Poems - Annual Dinner December 2022

Alec Paul
There was once an old duffer named Mike,
never stopped going out on his ebike.
With 3 punctures broke down many miles from our town,
so then mike had no choice but to hike.

There was once an old man called pete
who rode with a bike with no seat. This caused consternation,
alarm and castration, and Pete is now incomplete

Gasbags the contradiction - Zoe Lewis
I love the earth I hear them say
With man-made fibres on display.
A plant-based diet is for me
Well unless the bacon buns are free

We need to save the earth from plight
As they plug in their electric bikes at night.
We could just use our legs and puff
But those hills would simply be too much

We must embrace the modern trends
With you tube channels and whatsapp friends
But what a kerfuffle that provokes
With Malcolm and Mike not agreeing on jokes

With a group made up of young and old
And a leader keen to keep us all in the fold
It’s a miracle that we’re here tonight
To listen and learn of our gasbags plight

But here tonight we are oh yes
With veggies, tories, eco-warriers no less
Opinions are rife and debates are hard fought
But what is life without laughter, friends and thought.

Peddlers Progress - Peter Steele
They say that “ brevity is the soul of wit “
On a night like this you can count on it ( brevity that is )
So in my life with velocipeded many and few
I did make conversation with Ray and Bridget Vamplew.
It’s an electric bike you need they did cry
This to make those miles go quickly by.

So I did reluctantly purchase
A lecky bike to set the pace.

Alas , a lack it was not to be ! Sunday morning has me all at sea.
To struggle and strive is my wretched lot to keep myself up with you cheery (or Jeery) lot .
Thus technology is put in its place .
I will keep myself fit only for The Human Race !
To straighten Malcolm’s bike and crank

Bridget Vamplew
In the year of our Lord 1990
Four young men hatched Gasbags over the odd pinty
Their leader was named Mike
Because he had the biggest bike
Their plan was to ride into the sunset
Leaving their ladies at home to cope with family upset
As their fame spread, their numbers grew
Riding, supping and guzzling too
Across the north of England and Scotland as well
They rode and mended punctures from hell
In the year 2000 equality hit
And ladies were welcomed to ride for a bit
Tired of dull skies, rain, wind and ice
We ventured abroad to locations nice
Now knees are knackered, arthritis starting
E-bikes have been purchased to keep us cycling
So when I pass on, I am sure there will be
Someone, somewhere waiting with an e-bike for me.

Jeff King
The Gasbag sat on his shiny bike
His legs were all a-quiver
He gave a cough
His wheel came off
And rolled into the river

Si-lent Mike
ent Mike
All would be calm
All would be quiet
Round yon country lanes out on a ride
Round from Seamer when it is mild
Cycle in heavenly pe-e-e-eace
Cycle in heavenly peeeace

Oh I Wish I’d Looked After Me Bike! Barbara Morley
Oh I wish I’d looked after me bike
I really should have listened to Mike
Should have oiled that chain well
Tightened the bolts like hell
Oh I wish I’d looked after me bike.

I wish I’d been that much more willin
To wear that tight lycra to make a killin
To push those hard pedals round
To grind and grunt and pound
Able to take a right good grillin.

One day I’ll be in that U Tube story
In a Gasbags film taking glory
I’d like the stop for scones
The WhatsApp group on phones
But should I be Labour or Tory?

Each member a jolly good fellow
In shirts royal blue and custard yellow
If I altered the gears
Could it take off the years?
Instead of bye, it could be hello!

Oh I wish I’d looked after me bike
I forgot to lock it, went on strike
So the robbers walked off
Holding my bike aloft
Oh I wish I’d looked after me bike.

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